I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
