If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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