i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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