I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize