babies were throwing up all over the place
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize