I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I smell like Dick and happiness
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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