And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just cut my nipple shaving
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
