that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
