Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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