I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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