You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
