Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
