i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
