i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
my poor anus
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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