So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
