There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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