I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
