i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Randomize
