I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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