I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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