It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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