do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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