one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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