what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
