I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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