Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
