i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
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