God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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