I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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