He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
