They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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