whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
