we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize