There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
