hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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