There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
