you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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