just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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