hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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