They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
