And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
