I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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