I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize