im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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