Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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