Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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