he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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