you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
