he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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