Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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