where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I need to calm my uterus...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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