I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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