Cold hands, warm shart.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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