i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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