Banned from zoo.
Again?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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