how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
