I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
how do you play pong handcuffed?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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