someone owes me an orgasm
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
