she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
