I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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