Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
