Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
