yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
