It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
