I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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