I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
