I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
