Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
