So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
