Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Quick, to the slutcave!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
