guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize