Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
