you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
