I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
