and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize