Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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