I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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