i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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