I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
