I wish I only lived at night.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The Olympian is in my bed
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
