her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
