if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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