Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
