I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
