Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
50% drunk capacity currently
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize